REVIEW: How Much is Enough?

Everything You Need to Know to Steer Clear of Overindulgence and Raise Likeable, Responsible and Respectful Children 

By Jean Illsley Clarke, Ph.D.

I’m a clinical psychologist and I love this book. I give it to lots of people and they love this book.   Click here or on book cover to order.

I live in a very wealthy community and frequently see what happens when parents over-indulge their children. Many times these kids grow up and can’t finish college; or even worse, they get involved with drugs. They are totally un-motivated and quite often unable to focus on a job

What I particularly like about How Much is Enough? is that it gives information not just on how to avoid financially indulging your children, but also on how to emotionally indulge your children.  Often the problem is two-sided. It’s not that the child has been given too many things; it’s also that they have way too much freedom or no rules at all. The author has made it easy for the reader to focus in on the particular issues that they find challenging.

The examples are compelling and easy to understand. Aunts, uncles and grandparents can learn a lot from this book, too.  The sooner you “get it” about what is happening in the lives of your children and grandchildren, the better off you are. The author also gives you insight into your own issues, where perhaps you were over- or under-indulged, and how you carry that over to your children.

Because I was so interested in the subject, I did not find this book difficult to read—nor did any of my clients.  I would perhaps rename it something short, like: Real Help for Parents. I’d give it five stars!

REVIEW: Happy for No Reason

7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out
By Marci Shimoff

Recent research indicates that less than 30 percent of people report being deeply happy. Twenty-five percent of Americans and 27 percent of Europeans claim they are depressed. The World Health Organization predicts that by 2020 depression will be second only to heart disease in terms of the global burden of illness. There is a questionnaire in Happy For No Reason, by the way, so that you can see where you stand on the happiness scale.

Given these above-mentioned statistics and as a clinical psychologist, I fell in love with the title of this book instantly, but expected it might be just fluff. I have read many of the well-regarded books on positive psychology like Authentic Happiness and Learned Optimism. While they are lovely books, they pretty much exceed the patience of many clients seeking happiness.

I was delighted that Marci covered material from many of the scientific studies detailed in academic positive psychology without taking people through the more tedious details. Yet for those who like going deeper, she provides many resources. She emphasized some health and physical techniques and Kaizen or baby steps that are so critical for someone who is depressed. I like the way she mixes material from the highest-level research with Eastern techniques. She clearly loves her subject and has explored its many facets.

This book could be called the 21 steps to Happiness for No Reason because each step has three sub items. The structure is a little bit formulaic, but very well organized. The stories about real people help connect the reader and emphasize the points. I have recommended it to clients who have downloaded the guide and then used it between sessions. This book is not a cure for depression, nor does it pretend to be, but it covers all the bases if you want to raise your happiness set point and be happy for no reason—and that’s a good feeling.

REVIEW: Hold Me Tight

Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
By Sue Johnson
I recommend Hold Me Tight to my therapy clients constantly. My clients say repeatedly, “Our fights are in this book on page….” I have read literally dozens of popular couple and family books over 30 years and this is the best at addressing feelings of closeness, connection and chronic repetitive fights or deadening and withdrawal in the relationship.

Readers connect to the book. Resolving the issues of feeling connected, your partner having your back, feeling alive in your partner’s mind frees a couple to communicate and resolve long-standing issues quickly. Johnson also works with Gay and Lesbian couples, and this book seems to talk to their experience as well.

Often couples fight when they don’t feel their relationship is solid. This book really speaks to clients and is the best explanation of the complicated “attachment issues.” This book brings that concept to life and makes it clear. By illuminating how to go through the seven core conversations, she helps couples move to a happier, more intimate relationship. She debunks the myth that relationships have to grow stale. She is happily married herself and she knows how wonderful a strong connection can be. A few clients find the book challenging to read but still feel that it is explaining something important to them.

I am very familiar with Sue Johnson’s work. She is by far the best clinician writing about and researching marital therapy. Amazingly, her method resolves even very difficult cases in about 12 longish sessions. John Gottman calls her the world’s best marital therapist.

I have watched her do therapy many times on video at workshops and advanced trainings. She is magic, but so far her books have been aimed at professionals and were too complex for even many professionals to understand, let alone clients. This one works!

REVIEW: The Dance of Connection

How to Talk to Someone When You’re Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed or Desperate
By Harriet Lerner, Ph.D

This is a wonderful book that focuses on the healing effect of finding your own unique voice and speaking your own unique truth.  Dr. Lerner helps you find this “authentic voice” and shows with example after example how it can help to heal marriages, families or friendships.

Dr. Lerner shows the benefits of being thoughtful and considerate of what you are saying before you blurt out something you don’t really mean. You are not necessarily speaking your own truth if you say the first thing that comes into your mind, she cautions. Her book is aimed at the relationships and connections between men and women and shows how to maximize the chances of getting a meaningful response based on how the other person responds.

This book offers very good examples of how to re-connect, even when there have been really horrific cut offs of not days but years, or when a family has a history of cut offs.

I have often recommended Harriet Lerner’s books in the past and will certainly recommend this one.  Readers who liked her other books will love his one. I did.